Morning garden snaps from the gravel garden

And dealing with imposter syndrome

May 19, 2025

Hello my fellow garden enthusiasts, how are you?

I’ve had a busy couple of weeks, I’ve been decorating my living room, planting out seedlings and I squeezed in a trip to Suffolk to paint- although it was so windy it was impossible to set up, even with a small pad, so I took lots of pics and video instead and I’m happy with that. Photography is one of my biggest loves as you know, an art in itself, I’m always content when I’m snapping something. The trip was to get some inspiration for a new series of work for my exhibition this October in Aldeburgh. The scenes were a balm for my eyes and soul I can tell you. I’m sill trying to decide if a permanent move is on my cards. This morning, with all of this behind me I enjoyed breakfast in the gravel garden with my husband and took advantage of an overcast sky by taking some pics, it’s just starting to come to life- I love this little garden more than the vast one that sits further back from the cottage. In this one I feel worthy, I don’t feel like a fraud.

I’ll get back to those feelings in a moment but first- look at this cherry chocolate cosmos, I adore it, it’s a new addition that I planted in a vintage tub along with a few other bits, the ranunculus is ready to come out next to it and I think I’ll replace it with a grass. Anyway, back to my imposter syndrome feelings. You see, I’ve felt like a fraud constantly, through every endeavour I’ve ever undertaken. I’m told it’s natural and I know it affects many. I’m often wondering why this is. I have this feeling that I’m never worthy- despite the hard work I put in, I feel like I never deserve it. I remember opening my first salon at 23, I owned it for ten years. When anyone asked me what I did- I’d tell them I was a hairdresser, it always took a friend to pipe in and say ‘she owns the salon’. I was always too embarrassed, it felt like I was showing off. I realised later in life how I played down everything and I wonder if this is something ingrained from childhood- not to show off perhaps…

It’s a trait I haven’t shaken. When I became an artist around seven years ago I felt like the biggest fraud going despite having painted my whole life. Eventually I had to give myself a good talking to as I was getting in my own way, I noticed it, sat with it, then decided to get out the way and started selling my work. I still feel a little of these feelings but with practice it has become easier. By putting the work out there, being vulnerable and getting over a fear that I will seem showy, my art career has moved forward, I have collectors for my paintings. It took a lot to show up- still does, but if you don’t show up then you cant grow.

I look at my life now, everything in it- the pretty cottage and garden I’ve worked hard for and again, I feel like I shouldn’t have it. I wonder sometimes if this is due to my upbringing and living in a caravan (which I loved by the way). It was a simple childhood and it was wonderful, I always feel a sense of nostalgia for it. I wonder if I’m so afraid now because we fear more as we get older, things become more real and my biggest fear is this all going. Maybe, not letting myself get close to it is my way of safeguarding myself. I wonder what it would be like to settle into this now and just give in, let go of the fear and enjoy it. I guess I don’t like mine or anyone else’s achievements being perceived by others as ‘lucky’ that really grates. I don’t believe in luck. I do believe in hard work and I also believe in fate. Most of all, I believe that you have to take action- be it baby steps to create change, one small act of change can make a big shift further down the line. I do love change, it makes me feel alive. When things are changing, even in a small way- like planting a new planting scheme, I’m in the moment and I feel absorbed and alive, I’m away from my thoughts, the self doubt, the imposter, the fraud. In my garden it’s just me, the plants, birds, insects and my family occasionally popping down. So I guess the answer to getting out of ones head is to garden. We all have our demons, those nagging thoughts, it’s how we shake them off that is a revelation. I invite you into my garden photos, I hope they in turn inspire you to buy a plant, sow some seeds, do something with earth whether you’re in a flat or have a garden- the act of growing, nurturing something, I believe helps us grow and learn as we go. Gardening is therapy.

Outside the back of the cottage, my messy workplace where I’ve sprawled.

I love the vintage elements and the overgrown messiness of it all, the different textures balanced by delicate roses. It’s not a garden for the tidy or the meticulous.

I need to divide my auriculars- a job for this afternoon.

I love this little pond, I could sit for hours trying to count my fish, I got to 30 the other day, when we moved in there were 13 so they’re obviously very happy! I find gravel a most pleasing part of the garden, I love how I don’t have to mow it and how things self set freely. My gardening style is not as contemporary as Mr Cs, mines more bohemian tangle with a nod to letting things just be. I have to have roses but other than that I’ll let the garden decide what it wants. This part of the garden is very dry so lavender, bronze fennel, verbena, perovskia and rosemary love it. To the right there is a high fence and it’s shady and hydrangea Annabelle love it along here.

This afternoon, I’ll be getting out of my head and planting out some dahilas in a new raised bed, tidying up the back of the cottage as the roofer arrives tomorrow and hopefully I’ll get some time in the studio to paint. I’m opening a membership this week where you can join me in my studio practice to learn how I paint and run multiple creative businesses. I was hoping to launch it whilst I was in Suffolk but I was in a shepherds hut in the middle of a field without internet or 4G so it will be this week now.